empire built out of legos and filled with diamonds

Practice meeting:
Bats in bellfry
aka The I don't know meeting

K learns to her horror that original bargain struck with demons
was made by her, not by demons
demon is spoiled, no wonder it does not want to leave

We learn inner demons need to find another story to inhabit
hey, demon, here's one: (in the children's section!) 'This is Alcatraz'
ahem
Queen Esther Diamond and Lord Kat Lego
stealthily move from last week's undertakers anonymous meeting to intergalactic wealth takeover
it starts with this week's vacation:
E is taking her family on a cruise to either spain or alaska (probably both!), maybe they come back on her private jet, E doesn't like to waste time (she can delegate someone else to do that for her)
K, inspired by a children's book, buys a private train and takes a party of 10 (including E, of course) to party for a week traveling to Arizona,
everyone gets a private car, there is dining, music and merriment
and then two weeks in the wilderness enjoying the summer in all its glory of sun, water and stars
after our vacation, E suggests we attend one more session of undertakers anonymous to confess:
E: my diamond encrusted pool is not completely full of diamonds, it's missing a bit at the top edge, I'm underachieving!
K: sometimes, I see something I want and cannot acquire it, and then have to build a replica instead, I'm underachieving!
don't come back!
we don't let our lack of college education or graduation get in the way of teaching
E teaches food presentation while K teaches play to kids and adults
we discover:
wealth means delegation
it sure takes the pressure off
K is mad: Nobody in undertakers told me this! They let me suffer fearing that my wealthiness would be a burden. ...but everything can be delegated.
it means donald trump cleaning your toilets, martha stewart and oprah and the dalai lama patting you on the back
we realize being ridiculously wealthy means teaching the wealthy amateurs the art of beautiful wealth by becoming our servants and learning from the masters
k rolls out of bed onto the message table
e sleeps on the message table and has manicurists ready on the side and a pedicurist (scoot scoot) at the foot of the bed
e I delegate so much I'm barely alive!
E has 10 patents and 20 pending
one son is lego inventor and other is nobel prize winner
E: something in nuclear physics -  I don't understand but he does
(we find out later it has to do with cloning herself so her clone can be delegated to deal with family; K hires crackerjack to be her autoreject and deal with her family as "buffer")
we share wealth with family
but from far away (see above)
we delegate helping others to others
our responsibility is to enjoy our wealth - and we do!
K lives by the ocean (fresh seafood) in her double donut house designed by her
E lives in her mansion designed by a topnotch architect and decorated by the someone from the royal family
K has pet pigs
E pets her diamonds
woodworking
E was president but the white house was not up to her standards so resigned
(delegated really)
and became queen
e: when I bought china...
k: you mean the country!
e: no, the dinnerware
(is this underachievement, too?! No, later we find E bought canada, Niagara falls (filled it with diamonds), the U.S. mint. and is the queen of the antarctic)
When E buys U.S. mint, she puts her lovely face on the 100 dollar bill, making it more colorful in more ways than one, and encrusts in with diamond dust, which might cause blindness, but such be the dangers of beauty...)
E buys Empire State Building and renames it ?, K feels beaten to the punch, builds replica and names it King Kone
 K buys Lego and splits off those fancy sets; scandianvian family is bought out with diamonds
E runs out of closet space and puts diamonds in the sky (yes, that's what stars are)
K reveals: half of my wealth comes from sales of my narnia closets, it's such a sense of security
E has closets of her own, beautifally designed, with adjustable rails,
e's bestseller typo book and soon to be released non fiction typo book
k's illustrated typo of my life memoir with typo illustrations
k: to let it go, I make a movie about it and...
e: ...release it
k: yes
movies
blog
custom clothes
food
shoes  oh, I know him; gepetto
wall of food menu,corporate
makeup artist
therapist
visual
E wonders how many hits our latest youtube video has, but K reminds her we own youtube
so does it even matter...
we discover that takeovers contain pleasures that startups do not;
case in point:
k's takeover of lego, kept the basics, split off all those fancy sets
future (next week) takeover of ben and jerry's to create and patent our new flavors:
?
sheila, marsha flavor
20 flavors, to go with E's 20 flavored whipped cream flavors (why didn't anyone think of this before?!)
along with supreme wealth we achieve world peace
partially achieved by replacing all lame support groups with play and setting all their meetings on fire and lighting a big bonfire of all their literature (seen from outer space!)
we delegate deprivation, too!
mostly to Trump and Hillary and Bill

I scream, you scream...

... my mother didn't love me!

do yourself a disservice

we invent:
ice creams

the my mother didn't love me ice cream
container with IUO note in it

the luxury and deprivation series

I'm too good and too sane
to be alive
to be true

broillant

so you want to be a successful failure?
we already are!

emotional suicide
K: seriously?
E: seriously
K: seriously
E: no.

emotional suicide
and homicide!

they'll take emotional suicide seriously
but they won't take us seriously

violin timer

gestures
props

resting bitch face

broillant
we invent:
screen window for car

broilliant
we invent:
heavenly stars ice cream
dark indigo vanilla ice cream
with white chocolate
studded with poprocks

it's payback time

we discover:
the irreverent gurus
the irreverent coach

recovery from recovery
mottoes:

everything needs to be irreverent

you must interrupt

if you never try to do it right
you can't do it wrong

there's a ridiculous answer to any question

irreverence is our business
and business is money

presentation of who we are:
flyer
meetup

meeting:
how many times a week
concurrent meetings? series?
maximum amount of people?

valuable
free
you give us $20
you get 45 minutes of laughter and tears
free water
free ice cubes
free cookies
3 kinds of cookies and only 1 is imaginary
unfortunately, the imaginary ones are your favorite

free intro
short intro
ice cream graduation
graduating, ordaining
irreverent crowns
satisfaction or you pay us

we discover:
I don't have to help or teach
collateral improvement
 
part that is scared:
don't be
hide!
I will deal with the scary
Vladmira will do the scary thing

Story #5: You Idiom, you!

"Bite your tongue, you wet blanket!"
"You're the spitting image of bring home the bacon!"
"Not only are you too big for your britches, you're also long in the tooth!"
"An eye for eye and a tooth for a tooth; off the top of my head, I'm going to blow my top!"
"Do you have cold feet? You wolf in sheep's clothing!"
"Mum's the word if you try to pull the wool over my eyes, you cry wolf old wive's tale!"
"I'm not going to let sleeping dogs lie; it's a dog eat dog world, but you bark is worse than your bite!"
"You're biting off more than you can chew, you black sheep calling the kettle black!"
"You're driving me up the wall; I'll have you eating humble pie out of my hands!"

"That's food for thought... we're full of beans and full of hot air."
"You hit the nail right on the head, but our hearts are in the right place."
"Yeah, they're between a rock and a hard place, so let's stop blowing our own horns and take the bull by the horns."
"We might be making a mountain out of a molehill, but we did miss the boat."
"We're in the same boat, so we need to shape up or ship out, and fly by the seat of our pants."
"I was born with a silver spoon in my mouth, never went to the school of hard knocks or had to sing for my supper."
"I have no skeletons in my closet, and rain or shine, I call the shots and sell like hot cakes."

Story #4: Part 3

w/ sudden affection, she thinks "I love all animals".
She says, "You look so elfin and mischievious.", and then bursts out laughing.
"James, you mule, that's not fair! I'm a square peg looking at a round hole."
"Don't look a gift horse in the mouth!", quips James, "So, you finally realized it was just your reflection?"
Susanna nods peacefully, and arm in arm, they walk under the arch that says "Cloud nine".
The end (of ever writing a story again in split sentences)

Story #4: part 2

"Let's make it a safari-themed party."
For a moment Susanna senses a kicking in her belly, but she brushes it aside.
James asks, "Is something leaking on the pathway?"
"I smell oregano!", exclaims Susanna, "Oh! That's it! I forgot to eat!"
James says, "Something funny is happening with the plants; they're leaking like olive branches."
"Is it possible they were struck by lightening?"
"James, I'm feeling weak and disadvantaged, I'm about to blackout from my cravings."
"My humerus is out of whack and it's all because the magic is finally leaving my system."
"James, why didn't you bring me a brioche?"
James starts to stutter as he is overtaken by laughter.
"I-I-I brought a whole feast of chicken lo mein and everything else you can imagine."
He gently leads her through the house towards the front door, and upon stepping outside they enter a giant fair that James has organized just for her.
Susanna giddily exclaims, "Hunkapappa! Look at that amazing sight! Can we start with the food?"
She runs right over to a sign that says "Brain food from all over the world".
She hungrily devours each sample plate and she's so happy she does a little Myrtle dance.
She skips over to a sign that says "Trees of the world" and all her senses blossom and come to life.
Suddenly, she sees a twin image of herself but she doesn't believe her eyes. 
Confused, she turns to James and says, "I'm weirded out and that's making me mad."
James quickly says, "You know, when I get mad, it gets scary; when you get mad, it gets funny."
Susanna punches his arm and scowls, "Who's side are you on?"
"If you won't protect me, you're just an unauthorized visitor."
Uncertainly, Susanna faces the twin image...

Story #4: Oh no... Oh yes!

Susanna is furious but calm until she sees the vial that the injection came from.
"Horse mackerel!", she shrieks, but nobody is home to hear her.
"Wow! What an irascible, old curdmudgeon!", she grumbles, "My writer's block is like a prosthetic leg."
"I never should have decided to give up chocolate for Ramadan and dictionaries for Lent."
She glances outside, past all the hedge animal sculptures, to the hedge wall, and again sees the monolith in her backyard.
She steps outside, smelling the citronella and all the other myriad fragrant plants she uses in her perfume formulas.
"Oh no...", she says, "Oh yes!", says James, having just returned from dinner at Pandora's Box.
James is her policeman fiance, a shining example of a man, who loves to surprise her.
He pulls a handwritten letter and hands it to her with fanfare.
Stunned, Susanna blurts out, "How in Hosanna do you have such a talent for making work a pleasure!"
"Let's invite all our friends to a lobster party next week."
James looks at the monolith and is struck by a brilliant idea.
He looks at Susanna and says, 

Story #3: Golden Danger

"Knock, knock", said Shirley.
The lawyer's secretary looked up disapprovingly.
Shirley just rolled her eyes, hoping the secretary could read between the lines.
She was used to this kind of response from her days back in Los Angeles.
She decided to change her tune, and lay on the charm and friendliness.
"I'm sorry, I don't know how to be charming and friendly", she said sweetly.
The secretary stopped in her tracks and burst out laughing.
Shirley noted the nameplate on the desk; it read Kerian Khurish.
 Shirley felt suddenly at ease, as if something that had been blocking her head melted away.
"Hi, I'm Shirley.", she beamed, "Can I call you Kerian?"
"Surely, Shirley", said Kerian, "How about trading places? How about you sit in my chair and I can take a much needed break"
"I'd love to", said Shirley, "I've never had a real job before."
"Ok", said Kerian as she strode out of the office blithely, leaving only the scent of Eternity behind her.
"Wait! Where are you going?!", Shirley yelled in a panic, "You can't leave me here alone!"
Kerian popped her head back in and said, "You're not alone. You must search the books here to find the name of your daemon and call call him - he will guide and protect you. Ciao."
Shirley was bewildered but she gamely picked up the first book she found.
She said to herself out loud, "I'm going to give this a go, but if it doesn't help me and ground me, I'm going to do something drastic!"
Shirley looked down at the book she was holding; the title read "Changing places: finding peace".
She read the title out loud and a bird fluttered down, landed on the desk in front of her and looked at her with kind eyes.
Ever unflappable, Shirley said, "This is great!"
But suddenly, Shirley smelled Eternity - and Eternity didn't smell good. It was Kerian, and she was up to no good.
Simultaneously, Shirley began to feel uneasy and the bird disappeared in a flash of sparkles.
Kerian was furious and advanced towards Shirley, who felt like she was about to be devoured. 
Shirley tried to get her bearings but then she remembered that the door was locked; she was stuck.
"Damn bird!", She yelled, "Where are you when I need you?!".
(SNAP!) And just like that, the bird reappeared in a shower of glitter.
But this time he was a raptor, the size of your worst nightmare.
Kerian screamed, while Shirley eyed the raptor with a wry smile.
"I will solve this with one fell swoop!", said the raptor with a powerful voice, "I will transform both of you with one magic act."
In the blink of an eye, Kerian turned into a nylon baseball cap, sporting the legend "Virginia is for lovers".
In the same blink of an eye, (but with a lot of glitter) the nameplate on the office changed to Shirley Jones, Supreme Court Justice of the United States of America.
Shirley put on the cap and pumped her fist, as she said "Success at last".

The end
(flash of sparkles and glitter)

Story #2: The Blowtorch of Clarity on a Bejeweled Leash

"Why the F not?", Annie thought.
She had lived with all that deprivation and this was it; she had it.
"I am definitely doing this!" she said.
"You' already doing it", said the mysterious stranger.
"I don't know where to go.", we think she said.
"You're already there", said Mysterioso the Great, "stop thinking".
"I think I'm hallucinating.", she said. 
"You are.", said M, "But I'm here to help you".
"I'm going to Beverly Hills.", she proclaimed.
"Yeah, you're not there yet.", he replied.
"Why the F not?", she thought. She picked up the phone and dialed her travel agent.
"All right! We're going and it will be different this time.", M whispered excitedly.
"Who are you?", she said to him.
"I'm your hallucination, and I'm not a man - I'm Jackie Collins + Oliver Sacks.", M sang.
"I need a one-way ticket to Beverly Hills, please.", she said into the receiver.
"Ok, it's time to put things together and make sense.", M said to her.
"That's what I'm doing!", she shouted in frustration.
"Yeah, I see that, but you've got too much stuff that you're trying to put together, and I'm here to help you; you see this blowtorch, honey?", M said
"What blowtorch?", she said confused.
"The blowtorch of clarity", M said, "that I've been waiting to use.
"I'm not seeing the clarity.", she said honestly.
"That's clarity hiding under the table; you just need to call her.", M said.
Annie bent down to look under the table, but in the process she knocked herself out.
M felt so protective of her, and that included finalizing the travel plans, packing her bags and blow torching anything or anyone that might stand in her way or hold her back.
"I must be dreaming", Annie said, when she opened her eyes.
She was in Beverly Hills, in a beautiful room, with a gorgeous view and her little dog Clarity excitedly greeting her.
She stood up slowly, taking her time to drink in her surroundings.
"The nightmare has become just a dream, and my dream has become a reality.", she mused, "and hallucination made it happen".
"Maybe I really am a Princess.", Annie thought joyfully.
"Yeah, and I'm the Big Bad Wolf!, teased Clarity, "You're anyone you want to be, Annie".
Annie walked to the door, wondering what would greet her on the other side. 
She opened the door, and there was Action, with a smiling face, waiting for her patiently and impatiently.
This came as a SHOCK!, because action was the last thing she was expecting.
"I'm not a thing.", said Action with a wagging finger, "I'm the part you that you've been waiting to knock on your door, but you just need to open it first".
"I just opened it.", she countered, "now what?".
"Let's do this", Action said, "Let's chase it down and conquer it!"
"I'm in!", said Annie.
"Let's go and out and show Clarity how big the world is!, Action exclaimed.
Annie grabbed her and Clarity's bejeweled leash and said, "Let's".
"Wait", said Action, "you need to put on your crown so everyone will know you're a princess".
"Where's my crown?", Annie asked with befuddlement.
"It's in your bag. It's the only thing hallucination packed for you", Action said, "it's the most important thing".
Annie opened her bag and saw that Action was right; she reached in and carefully put the at crown on her head.
She felt that there had been a metamorphosis in herself.

"Woof", said The end 

Story #1: What's a title? What's a name?

Once upon at time there was a guard who kept a girl from writing her story.
The trauma stayed with her forever.
She was locked in the castle of her untold story.
She very nearly went insane.
Insane was the town she grew up in.
Her strong commitment to sanity kept her form going back.
She and Sanity had gotten secretly married behind her parent's back.
Sanity was indeed the man of her dreams.
He rode horses not unicorns, and he was buff.
Wait! we just realized - she doesn't have a name!
Sanity lamented this over and over.
Actually, she had somebody else's name and that's why she refused to use it.
That name was Sense + Logic.
"Who the F gave her that name?!", said Sanity.
Sanity secretly went to a judge and filed for a name change.
Meanwhile, the girl wanted to tear down the castle of her untold story.
She hired a team of workers to help her with her project.
It was the three little pigs.
And the Big Bad Wolf.
Sanity couldn't believe it.
Sanity rushed home to save the girl from herself.
"You don't need to do that; I have a new name for you, to free you!", screamed Sanity.


Ending  1
"You don't understand!", she said.
 "Of course I don't!", said Sanity.
"But I do.", said the littlest of the Three Little Pigs.
"And you know why? Because I've had the same experience.", he continued.
Tears began rolling down his cheeks.
"Nobody would listen to me, so I let them destroy my house, my dreams."
Sanity shook his head in disbelief as the girl and the Littlest Pig hugged.
"I thought I knew everything, I thought I knew the truth, but I didn't and I don't know yet.", said Sanity.
"I'm breaking up with you!", cried the girl hysterically.
"You'll never believe me, Sanity; you can't imagine what happened because it doesn't make sense.", she proclaimed.
The Littles Pig dropped to one knee, and said, "Will you marry me?"
The girl said, "Do you see me for who I really am, and if you do, then what is my name?"
"But I have your name!", burst out Sanity.
"Because you stole it from me!", countered the girl.
"Are you kidding me!", shouted Sanity, "I don't steal!"
"Why are we separate?", said the girl quietly, "Why are you against me?"
"I am so confused", muttered Sanity.
"Finally!", said the girl, "Now you finally understand what it feels like, you bastard!""
Do you realize that you've never been confused even once in all the time that I've known you."
The Little Pig spoke up, and said, "But I've been watching her and I could see her confusion the whole time; I understand her."
"So what's your point?", said Sanity rudely.
"That you have to be an animal to understand what it's like to be treated like one, live like one.", said the Little Pig.
"Wait", said Sanity to the girl, "I thought you were human."
"I am", said the girl, "but I have lived many lives, many stories in my lifetime."
"I'm done here.", said Sanity, "I refuse to have a conversation with a pig."
"That's your problem Sanity", Said the Little Pig, "if I'm an animal, how is it that I'm talking, stupid?"
The end
"For now", said The end.

Ending  2
"Now I'm confused", said the girl.
"I went to the judge and got your name changed", said Sanity.
"So you know me who I really am?", whispered the girl, hopefully.
"Yes", said Sanity somberly.
"Is it over? All the badness and confusion?", asked the girl.
"It really is", said Sanity, "Forever.
"Now I can write my own story. And I need to.", said the girl, "Will you help me?"
Sanity handed her a manila envelope. "Here", he said, "Here's the answer to your question."
She was both afraid and excited to open it.
With trembling hands she opened the envelope and drew out an official-looking document.
It declared her the official storyteller of her life and gave her a beautiful name.
"Hopeful Dreams" was the name it said, stupid.
"You can't argue that", said all the three little pigs
Even the Big Bad Wolf wiped away a tear.
"Can I be in your story?", he asked the girl.
The girl flung her arms around Sanity with joy.
"The rest of you can be characters in my story, but Sanity is the man of my dreams."
The end, stupid
 

Stirring the pot

(Wead in a lithp)

We discover new characters:
Lyspa
and her lisper-in-training cohort
Lyspinka

E: I must be very young to lithping like this.
How come you sound older?
K: I'm mature but completely retarded.

(Hey! Fthupid! Are fyou threading thif in a lithp?)

E: Maybe you need to think in lisp.
K: Is that even possible?!
E: Of course. If you can think in a different language,
you can think in a lisp.
This is called E's Hypothesis.

We disuss:
Doors to entering the portal

Door One
Talking in a different language
(like lithping)

Door Two
Using hand gestures
Many of them
Big ones

Door Three
Super-Bipolar-Woman
aka
Complete insanity

We discuss:
Gainful employment

Lithping job interview
Multiple personality disorder job interview

We discover:
Descriptive names

E: Mr. Food-face-on-mouth is very talented at making you angry.
K: That's why I cannot leave him.
E: What about the 'three strikes you're out' rule?
K: Strikes are what you hit him with, right?
Strike one! You have food on face!
Strike two! You are closing eyes!
...Are those little bells you're ringing?
E: No! Those are little red flags I'm waving!

E: I know why Mr. Food-face-on-mouth comes to sessions with food on mouth:
Then it's tax-deductible.
K: (laths hytherically in a lithp)
(yeth, thith ith pothible according to E'th Hypothethif)
(pleathe. thankfyou)