Let me shove you off the wagon

E: Honestly, Kat, we're the creepy ones.

E: No names - we practice generic evil.

K:There's the steps.
E: $19.99
K:There's the gold steps.
E: $29.99
K: And then there's platinum steps. You can't afford them.

Salanon:
We knead those steps into you.

You fell off the wagon.
Steps lead to the wagon: why didn't anyone tell me?!

E: Of course, she's a plant.

K: Confusion to the second power:
I don't know
but I should know.

E: Confusion to the third power:
I don't know
but I should know
but I can't know.

E: Magic = Priceless = Important

E: There's black beers in my backyard.
K: Budweiser or Heineken?

Who are you working for, anyway?

We discover:
K's Cheerleader

K: Hey! She's been cheerleading for others instead of me!

We discover we have a staff!
E: Mangament! Security!
K: They are not me; they work for me!
E: And they suck! Fire them!
K: No, let's me talk to them first.
(K might have problem letting anyone go...tbc)

K talks to cheerleader.
Cheerleader alleges she been beaten up by others so as to not cheerlead K.
Looks disheveled and confused.

E demands a royal staff.
K suggest naming them after typos

Costume ideas:
Velcro suit - everything sticks
Throwing vegetables costume

Breakthrough

E: We need to go through the portal.
K: That's too vaginal, I need something phallic; how 'bout a pole?
E: Down the rabbit hole.
K: Or a slide.

E: I got it! A breakthrough!

We will do anything to feel alive!
We are equal opportunity organ eaters.
K: Can I get a business card for that?

This medicine has sound effects.

Why is there no Emotional Service Station?
And what would that look like?

I am so immersed in the program I'm practically drowning in it.
Stop working the steps and give them a vacation!
I respect the steps; I don't step on them.
I'm climbing up the 12 step pedestal.

K: My negative feelings are wild animals; I'm a wild animal handler!
E: They are stray feelings!
K: Mine have testicles!
E: Mine have portals!
K: So my feelings aren't domesticated!
E: In that case, 'let go and let god' really means spay, neuter, release!
K: If they're stray, then why am I taking care of them? Can I run them over?
E: Sure!
K: Oh! And my positive feelings are not mating.
E: Yeah, 'cause they're malnourished, they're stunted! And there's too few of them!
K: They're trying to mate with the wild ones! And they're getting eaten by them!

OH!! (double finger point)
(peals of laughter)

The Real Steps

THE REAL STEPS:

Step One:
It's your fault.

Step Two:
Nobody appreciates me.

Step Three:
Hand it over!

Step Four:  
I know everything.
I am perfect.

Step Five:
You are not.
Check me out.

Step Six:
You owe me.

Step Seven:
Follow my orders.
Leave me alone.

Step Eight:
Admit you're wrong.

Step Nine:
Beg for forgiveness.

Step Ten:
Think about me.

Step Eleven:
Give up hope.

Step Twelve:
Serve me forever.

Step Thirteen: Go back to Step One.

E: I LOVE the steps!
K: The steps have changed my life.
E: Oh, the concepts...
K: I put them on my cereal
E: I want to be buried under the steps!
(repeat ad infinitum)
I'm doing GREAT!
My life has improved 200%!
E: I'm a bundle of energy!
K: A mass of energy!!
E: A tumor of energy!!!

Try harder.
You're not working the steps right.
Why? 'Cause you're a loser. And stupid.
I'm just trying to help you.
Did you skip a step?
You need to fall down the steps.
You need to go back to step 1.
Let me help you by shoving you down the steps.
Back to step 1!
Look! First step: 'It's your fault'.
No more doubt; this gives you solid ground to stand on.
Now lie down so I can run you over.

I've got tools!
Let me nail the steps to your head.
Let me screw that step into your head better.
Let me hammer that positive thought to your head.

You need to use the tools
and weapons of the program.

OMG! I got to the top of the steps and there's nothing there!
There's a door and I can't open it!
Why do I have to take the steps?
Isn't there an escalator. 
I got an escalator but it only goes down!
I have to keep climbing up the wrong side!

Bipolar Meeting:
I'm so grateful to be here.
Everybody get the hell out!!! Die already! I'll kill you!
I love people.
I'm just trying to help you.
My life sucks; what are you going to do about that?  
Hand over the serenity.
I can't help you, I'm too busy nailing myself to the cross.
I mean the steps.

You need to die - or I'll kill you.
I love people. I live to help others.
You're so selfish. What have you done for me lately?

Lie down so I can run you over.
Do you appreciate what I haven't done to you?
I could have killed you.

Higher power only wants to sleep with me
Higher Power, I know you want me.
Stop texting me all the time.
Why do you have so many friends on facebook?
Stop dreaming about me.
You never call me.
Why are you invisible? Is it 'cause you're ugly?
God, where are you?!
OMG You're hiding behind the steps!
God, I'll trust you when you give me more stuff.
Leave me alone, I was taking a nap on the steps.
Doesn't that hurt?

We discover:
Earnest
(K wakes up following morning laughing and
and her first thought is to punch Earnest in the head.)