Marshmallow padded room

E mixes up a date but almost makes fireworks happen.
K deems the dress rehearsal a success.

We hijack, I mean host, someone into the portal.
Portal magically transforms into convertible.
Roof is replaced by the sky.

E: The moon is moofing.
N: I think that is what cows do.
E: No, please, thank you. It is the moon.

Russian accent is contagious.
We scream "Please. Thank you. No problem".
We cannot help but be helpful.
Is this help to the second power?

E: I'm caught between... peanut butter and cotton candy.
K: That sounds luffly...
E: No, between cotton candy and a marshmallow.
K: ...and soft.

Play ball

E: You know, denial is not just a river in Egypt.
K: Yes, it is also a small stream in the Ukraine.
E: Actually, it's the whole ocean!

Let me go

K: I like to make an entrance.
E: I like to make an exit.

We discuss:
Making an exit

Bipolar exit

Stop making sense exit

Kick me out exit

Let me go exit

Bean there

E: How are you?
K: I'm good. No, I'm evil!

K: I'm sorry about my anger.
E: No problem.
I have plenty of my own anger.
I buy it in bulk.

E: You be effil.
It's no problem.

K: It was always two realities.
E: No, it was no reality.
Ever.

K: I'm halfway to delusional.
OMG! I failed at being delusional, too.
E: Yeah, the delusional swirl.
K: Could be an ice cream flavor.

K: I don't need tools.
I need musical instruments.

K: We overdosed on the program!
Now we need another program to deal with that...

E: Drive with cution.
K: But sit on whoopee caution.

E: That relationship is a can of expired beans.
K: Now I can let it go!
Should I open them first?

Call me

I can't believe what happened! (call me!)
I am so disappointed in you. (don't call me judgmental)
You ruined everything. (call me helpful)
Not that it's any of my business. (please call me)
But I am outraged. (call me passive aggressive)
Not that I really care. (call me, maybe I'll answer)
But you could have called me. (ME! call ME! WAAAH!)
I would have been glad to help you. (call me codependent)
I've done enough helping, I don't need to do anymore. (call me bitter)
I hope this never happens again. (and it won't if you call me!)
Now let's move on. (cause I've got a call!)

E: Please join me in the mud.
It's dirty, it's wet, it's cold.
How can you say no?
K: Goody-goody!

I hate you in a special way.
No, really.

Hookers, Knockers and Sausages

We discuss:
Translating 'passive-aggressive' into 'aggressive-not-so-passive, is it'?

K: Anything can be done.
With slaves.
E: With a lot of money.
K: With slaves with a lot of money

K: With algorithms!
But first we eat...

Russian invasion
(please read in Russian accent)
Why? Why?! WHY?! WHY?!!
NO! (bark)

Please. Thank you. No! (bark)

K: We just met but let me tell you my life story.
E: We'll be best friends for never.

K: Those knockers were in 3D.
E: In your nightmares they were in 4D.
K: They were hitting on me and slapping me in the face.

E: I love you in a very special way = I love me.
K: me + me = we.
E: The m's play together and make a w.
That's sex.
But sex doesn't exist.
Let's not talk about it.

E: We be crazy to the second power.
K: Which means...
E: We not crazy.
K: Ah, we special.
In a special way.
To the second power.

K: Ah, baby lamp.
E: You vant one? It's priceless.
K: No, it's $7.49 a pound.

E: The car is ready.
There's worms in the backseat,
and a hooker in the front sitting in dog pee.

K: This was hooker with baby stroller.
And me in the baby stroller.
I be worm for the hooker.
She was a wholesome hooker.
A whole wheat hooker. 

K: I highly recommend it.
E: I highly don't.

E: We didn't have blinders; we had lampshades over whole head.
Please, put a lampshade around your privates, too!

K: She no cookie.
She no M&M.
E: She hooker.

E: We be hookers!
K: This is our card.
E: You see the hook?!

K: Knockers can be hookers.
E: Let's talk about sex.
But don't talk about it.
Just shut up and eat your sex!

E: Finish story! I can't stand the anticipation!
K: What if I put sauce on it?
E: Marinara. I like Marinara.
K: Mmm. How 'bout cream?

K: Look at all I wear around my neck.
I have my fox stole...
E: And sausages.
K: No, no. Sausages be in the fox's mouth.
And then, of course there is the noose around my neck, too.
E: Yes. Grab life by the noose. Very important.
K: Priceless.
E: No, 7.49 a pound!

K: You need cookies.
Look how small your knockers are!
They're starving!!
They're going to become hookers if you don't feed them!

Oops! I hooked your sausage by accident!

Step 1:
It's your fault.

Tradition 1:
(?)

Concept 1:
Have fun!

In closing I would like to say ppfffrrrrrttttt... Give me what I like and take the rest. The things you heard were spoken in whispers and should be known by all the neighbors by at least tomorrow. Keep them within the confines of your knockers and between your legs.

A few special words to those of you who haven't caught on yet: Whatever your problems, keep them to yourself. I've heard enough about them. You've got problems? I've got problems! If you try to keep your legs open and your hooks ready, you will find help. You will come to realize that there is no STD that doesn't have medication and no mind that can't me messed with.

We aren't sane. The welcome we give you may not show the hate we have in our hearts for you. After a while, you'll discover that though you may not sleep with all of us you'll love us in a very special way, the same way we already love ourselves.

Hit on each other (call me! what do you think the phone list is for?), keep trying to figure things out but let there be no escape. Instead, let the drone and repetition of the program drive you crazy one day at a time.

K: OMG I've got a dead horse!
No wonder I couldn't let it go!
If I let it go it will fall on my head!
I'm propping up a dead horse...
"Yeah, just let it go, Kat."
Well, I've let it go and I've still got a dead carcass next to me!

Thanks people for helping me out!
"You go, Kat!
Just keep riding that dead horse!
You're doing great!
You keep riding that dead pony!
Keep coming back!"

Maybe it's a rocking horse..
I'm going to bring my rocking horse to the meeting!
E: You should ride it to the meeting!

E: The meeting: It's a rubber omelette.
K: If you put it that way, I might not keeping back!
What about my dead horse?
E: It's a rubber omelette wrapped around a dead horse.