Snort in, snort out

K: With family, there were pockets of goodness.
And then it went down in flames
E: You had barbecue family.

E: Hi, my name is KH-HICK (please simulate choking combined with cat getting rid of hairball).
K: Hi KH-HICK!
E: Actually, my full name is KH-HICK (snort in) KH-HIK (snort out).
K: Hi, KHICK (snort in) KCIHK (snort out).
My name is hairball!
No, wait, my name is (loud snort)!
E: Hi (loud snort)!

E: What does your Shirley look like?
K: My Shirley is dressed like a cheerleader.
She's Shirley-it-will-work-out.
Yours is not?
E: Not. My Shirley is Shirley-cannot.
She's dressed for a funeral.
K: She works in a funeral parlour?
E: She IS a funeral parlour.

We discuss:
Character Costumes

Two russian ladies own the same dress.
(ah, the clearance rack)
Stan wears women's clothing but passes it off as buddhist robes.
Melba likes bright and tropical colors.
Shirley is big on ruffles and homey prints.
Steve might be walking around naked...

Anti-stupid, stupid

We discuss:
The Anti-meeting
aka The fake meeting
aka The whatever, stupid-meeting

Anti-meeting includes:

Anti-opening
E: No, don't let it begin with me.
K: Let it begin with doughnut!

Anti-steps

Anti-literature:
E: Someone picks random book off the shelf,
then picks random page,
and we twist it!
K: We bend it!
Can you handle it?
We flip it!
We flop it!
Pour sauce on it!

Anti-slogans

Anti-traditions
K: The ones you can sprinkle on your cereal.

Anti-concepts

Anti-business meeting included, of course.

Anti-logo:
E: Circle with 'anti' in the middle.
Equals anti core!
K: Equals doughnut!
It all comes back to food.
E: Yes.
(Reader, this is 'yes' is said in fabulous russian accent.
Please to come to meeting to experience this for yourself.)

OMK!
OME!
We discover:
Anti-therapy!
E: Fun and crazy.
K: Uh, we keep rediscovering this
over and over again...
I blame dead horse.

Therapy-free zone:
E: Free to do nothing.
K: And everything.
Stupid.

Anti-platitudes:
'Make the most of it'
becomes:
E: 'Make the least of it, stupid!'

'They did the best they could'
becomes:
E: 'They did the best they could.
For themselves!'

'Don't let anything get you down'
becomes:
K: 'A dead horse fell on top of me,
but that's ok -
I always wanted a pony!'
or
'Don't look down!
There is a dead horse!
Don't look up!
Dead horse there too!
E: Just don't.'

Anti-moral of this anti-platitude:
K: 'Don't let dead horse get you up!

'Pick yourself back up'
becomes
K: 'Since I keep falling down here,
why don't I learn to ride dead horse!'

We discuss:
Primary resume

Jobs we did.
Starting from birth.
Maybe from before.

Quiet lines and fine places

E: We need to find a quiet place.
Meaning we need to find a place where we don't have to be quiet!

We discover:
Superhero Princess
and
Monster Princess

K: This means I need a Superhero Princess resume.
E: Yes, you do.
K: You never hear a boy saying he wants to be a prince.
E: No, you don't.

We discuss:
Fine lines

E: It would be ok if there were a couple of fine lines to deal with.
But not fine lines all over the place!

K: Ok, a fine line is thin, but it's long.
A thick line is clear but it's very short.
E: Why are you drawing the lines as shapes?
K: Ok, it is just a line and you are standing in front of it.
Or are you standing on it?
Or is it over your head?
Or behind you?
Or on your left?
Or your right?
E: Any of those, but only one at a time!

K: Hey fine lines!
Grow a little!
E: Grow a lot!

We discuss:
Martians

We don't gossip.
Except we do.
If you were an extra-terrestrial you would understand this.

Same or sane?

E: Once you do this you will never be the same again.
K: Same or sane?
E: Both!

E: I had a light bulb moment.
K: Please not to break!
E: It's already broken.
K: Oh, so you have a broken light bulb moment!
E: If light bulb moment is AHA!,
then is broken light bulb moment HA HA!?
K: Or is HAA... AAH...?

Program is reinvented once again with one, simple stroke of genius:
E: Add stupid after every slogan = better program.
Let go and let God, stupid.
Keep it simple, stupid.
Think, stupid.
K: Amazink. You have done it again.
E: Yes.

We discuss:
Answering messages

K: Please to leave a message after the Honk:
HONK!!!

Please to leave a message after the Meow:
MEOW!!!

Please to leave a message after the s:
SSSSSS!!!

E: Please to leave a message after the wheeze.
WHEEZE!!!

K: Please to leave a message after the sneeze:
ACHOOO!!!

E: Please to leave a message after the sleaze!
K: Oh, yeah.
Please to leave a message after the sleaze:
(Heavy panting)!!!

K: Please to leave a message after the scream.
AAARRRGH!!!

K: During session his eyes start closing.
When I point this out, he say he is concentrating.
E: Yes, this is how I concentrate: ZZZZZ!

Whatever it takes

E: Martian say; "If you live in the third step (and hand it over),
you don't live in fear."
K: ARRRGH! (Hitting head with both hands) I hit my head with rock!
E: Oh, that works, too.
Every time you have fear, you hit head with rock.
K: So simple.
You simplify whole program.
Amazink.
E: Yes.

We discuss:
Answering messages

Leave a message after the beep.
Please. Thank you. You're welcome. Goodbye.

We discuss:
Blogiversary...

To doughnut or not to doughnut (doughnot?)

We discuss:
The lose/ win doughnut

K: I meet with dead horse but we only get together for 45 minutes.
E: That's good! Short time with dead horse.
K: No, dead horse is family.
Usually it is 2 hours with dead horse.
You know, this is lose/ lose situation.
E: Suit yourself.
K: So what would 45 minutes look like.
E: 45 minutes would be a very heavy coat in the summertime.
K: Ok, then 2 hours would be woolen swimsuit.
E: Yikes.
K: Please. Thank you. Make this metaphor food related.
E: Ok. 45 minutes is doughnut with big hole in the middle.
K: Ah, there you go:
2 hours is same doughnut,
but at least there is a nice crust.
Maybe even frosting.
E: And hole in the middle.

E: Did you bring your dead horse to new therapist?
K: Not yet, but I am planning on it.
E: You need therapist with a plaque on his door:
"Dead horses welcome all the time."
"Free Admission for dead horse."
K: Yes. My last therapist would not stand for any dead horses.
She lie down.

E: I listen to this, and to that; it is like a spiderweb.
K: Or like branches.
Or spider web on branches...
E: Or spiderweb on branches on dead horse!

Sofa: Yes. Please. Thank you. Dead horse wallpaper: No!

We discover:
Talking in third person
i.e. gossiping about ourselves

E: Esmerelda is undecided.
K: Kassandra heard that.
E: Esmerelda needs a few minutes to arrange her business.
K: I will inform Kassandra.
Kassandra!
Hey!!
Hey!!! Kassandra !!!
Darling...
E: Oh, so Kassandra likes sweet talk.
K: Actually, she hates it!
'Please not to call me honey.'

We discuss:
You're going where?!

E: So where is this class being held?
K: At the Psychiatric Center.
E: And you are going?!
K: Uh, yes...
E: Please not to go to place wallpapered with dead horses.
K: But...
E: Please not to go to dead horse factory.
K: Uh, maybe they have dead horse races.
E: With human jockeys!
Please not to go. Thank you. You're welcome. Goodbye.
K: Ok. I not to go.
Thank goodness they not to have snacks or I go.
E: Oh, yes. Dead horse buffet.

We expand: our curfew cushion
We need to live large(er)!

It is now a sofa.
Which shrinks to a loveseat.
Then an ottoman.
Now it's a footstool.
Then a stepping stool.
And finally a rock.
And then...
Goodbye.You're welcome. Thank you. Please.

Pig's out of the bag

K: I give away my credit..
E: And then you are in debt.
K: ...and now I have empty bag! (Sob)
E: No, now you have bag filled with black holes!

We discuss:
Costumes and baggage for characters

Russian lady Vladmira:

E: How is hair?
K: She have choppy blag wig.
E: And what is wearing?
K: Print dress.
Big prints of, let's say, children playing.
E: With knives.
K: Or little animals.
E: Playing with knives.
K: Or fruit.
E: Playing with knives.

E: And what kind of baggage for Vladmira?
K: Big, heavy handbag.
Big enough to hold pork chop.
E: No, big enough to hold whole pig!
K: Nooo...
Knife to kill pig is in bag.
Pig is running along as pet.

Southern peach Melba

K: Big Hair. Lots of different wigs.
E: What color?
K: Any color, as long as it's big.
Colorful clothes.
And small bag, full of James Bond equipment.
Shhh.

Bad English accent Edward
K: Backpack.
And Edward doesn't know what's in it.

Cheerleader Shirley
Carrying a clutch.
That she keeps losing.
But 'surely that's ok'.

Ghost Steve
K: If he has any stuff, it's hidden in some trees.

Megalomaniac Stan
K: Full set of Samsonite hidden in the closet.
And car is big handbag.

Trust us. We are totally making this up.

K: It's ok as long as you don't run me over.
E: Oh, it's ok. You can do that, too.

We invent:
Baggage therapy

Don't tell me to let go of my emotional baggage.
Give me better bag!

If I have beautiful bag, right size,
I don't need to put anything in it!

First we run diagnostic test.
What kind of bag you need?
Samsonite?
Duffel bag?
Backpack?
Lunchbox?
Handbag?
Clutch?
Change Purse?
A hole in tree in the park?

Maybe you need overnight bag.
Or, you can rent storage.
We hold it for you.

Cheerio? Cheeri-no

We discover:
Edward
The English guy who doesn't sound very English..

We discover:
We are not good at doing English accents.

Is that a dead horse or are you just not happy to see me?

E: I did not know hall be so small.
And mother so big.

We discover:
Depression is a dead horse.

E suggests making glue
knowing that K will suggest
"surely we can make something useful out of it!"

Dead horse is also just a cute, stuffed animal horse.
So, when you are experiencing a block
that is really either a dead horse
or a stuffed animal horse.
Or both.

Don't worry!
We discover:
Fairy Godmother Unicorn

Unicorns never die, so they will never turn into dead horse.
Call us when you find it.
Please. Thank you. You're welcome. Goodbye.

We discuss:
Skydiving options.
Like taking everyone up with us and pushing them out.
K suggests this is why skydiving was invented to begin with.

Are you OK?

We discover:
Firecracker Jack-in-the-box

He jumps out when you ask for help.
E: Maybe he can be your new therapist!

Please slap me with a red flag

K: We give you just enough to keep you hoping.
E: And hopping.

E: Don't think I am taking advantage of you.
I am.

K: (looking to the sky)
God, thank you for slapping me in the face!
E: No, no. That was me.

E: I'm seeing more and more red flags.
I think they're more than red.
K: I think they're on fire.
E: No, neon orange.

Fireworks work!

E: I am bear.
Please not to poke.

I am bunny.
Please not to stroke.

I am rabbit.
Please not to tickle.

We discover:
Confi-dance
E: You have a problem!
(point finger)

I am so good at this.
I can fix it.
(point both hands to own chest)

Don't worry!
(both arms out w/ hands out in 'stop')

Merry-go-squared

We discover:
Bennie Bunny Funny Money.

A + B + C = more money for me!
You need me
but I don't need you.
Except I do.

We discuss:
Burning therapy bridge

I love to watch her squirm.
She's a worm.
E: No, she's a slug.

K: OK, first I was riding dead horse.
And now I'm riding a slug?!
I think dead horse was better.
E: But slug at least is alive!
K: Yeah, but dead horse has legs!
I can rock on it...

K: Ooh, look!
Here's my merry-go-round!
I can sit on a dead horse.
Or on a slug.
There's a lecherous old man;
I can sit on his lap.
Or an angry old woman,
who holds me in a tight hug!

E: And there's a snack bar with creepy ice cream.
K: Of course there's toppings.
How 'bout some guilt on that?
E: No, guilt is for hot dogs.

We discuss:
Different flavors of creepy

E: Creepy ice cream.
What would it look like?
K: Transparent jelly...
with mysterious bits of stuff floating in it.
E: Look, you can see right through me...
but what's floating in me;
I don't know...
how did that get there!

We discover new character:
Inner First Responder:
Ready to respond to everyone's needs.
And ignore ours.

E: My First Responder is blindfolded.
And asleep!

We discuss:
Home Personal Aid

E: It could be a dog.
K: Even better. It could be a cat.
A cat home personal aid.
I think I grew up with one.

E: Hey! I've tried helping you the right way!
Now I'll help you the wrong way!

E: We change,
we get new perspective.
Everything looks different,
feels different...
but everything looks the same!
Why!!!
I don't understand...

Please, thank you: You burn old bridge while I buy new bra.

E: You had a therapist with 'bridge' in their name.
Now you need one with "tour guide' or 'explorer'.

We discover:
Braette.
K: No, she is not your new personal assistant.
But she wants that discount.
E: Mebbe.

Mother Teresa Sugar Mama

We discuss:
Childhood deprivation
E: Pudding? Who needs it.
Dolls? Forget about it.

E: This is the Polar Vortex.
We have the portal vehicle; why did it take us this long to get to crazy.
K: 'Cause there's no highway?
E: We need to build one!
K: We need to make an appointment with crazy.
"Excuse me, I can't talk right now. I have an appointment w/ crazy."
Actually, crazy is more than an appointment. It's a job really.
"I'm sorry.I can't help you. I have to go insane."

K: If I feel bad, why do I need to figure out why?
E: Yes, stop doing the post mortem on your feelings.

E: I'm doing brain surgery everyday.
No wonder I'm tired!

We discover:
Our childhood "jobs":
Personal Assistant
(or is it Impersonal Assistant...)
K: So many "skills"...
E: Caretaker...
K: Therapist...
E: Chef...
K: Cheerleader...
E: Social worker...
K: And most important: being depressed!

E: I knew I was working
K: Why couldn't I tell that I was?
Oh, yeah. 'Cause nobody paid me.
I did get ice cream.
E: Lucky, I didn't even get that!

K: OMK!
I failed in having a sugar daddy, too!
"Oh, it's OK. I don't need anything.
Just give me some ice cream..."
E: You're Mother Teresa Sugar Mama!

We discuss:
The resume that would go with that "desired" position.
K: Crazy resume should be written in crayon.
And include a naked drawing of myself.
E: Go for it!
And send it to me.
I might get inspired.

We discuss:
Posting crazy resume on craig's list.
K: Crazy needs to interact with the world.
To go more crazy.
E: Go for it!
I might hire you.
K: I might hire myself.

E: I want BMW.
I will do whatever you want.
You need me to wash floors, I wash floors.
You need me to eat ice cream, I eat ice cream.
You need me to wash floors with ice cream, I do that too.

K: Look at all I can do for you:
I help you relax
(You don't know how to relax.
You're a workaholic!
But don't stop cause I need to buy enough vodka to keep myself productive)

I tell you what you want
(You don't know what you want.
Or need.
Thank vodka I'm here!)

I appreciate what you have.
(You're ungrateful.
Now get back to work before my vodka runs out.)

We discuss:
Posting job "offer" for personal assistant.

Unpaid, of course.
No payment, no acknowledgement, no credit.
You do get to be a saint, of course.
K: It's scary, but there's someone out there who would answer this.
E: Scary and good.

We discover:
Being successful = Crazy
We need to go crazy.

How do you voodoo doo doo?

E: This is an interrupt free zone.
Feel free to interrupt.

K: Abuse; it's voodoo.
E: You mean doo doo?
K: Yes, it's voodoo doo doo.

We discuss:
Instructional abuse video:
What voodoo doo doo looks like.
We already know what it smells like.

E: I don't want your money.
Just give me your "I don't have any issues w/money".

K: I mean... I feel..
(bark)
E: Don't!

Personal if you say so

We discover:
New step:
It's probably personal.

E: Hi, I'm school.
K: Hi school.

E: I need sunscreen.
K: I need moonscreen.
E:  I have that already. It's my bed.

K: Can I get a yeah!
E: Whatever you said!
K: Can I get a yeah!!
E: If you say so.

Please. Thank you. You're welcome. Goodbye.

This is a judge free zone.
Judge freely.
Please. Thank you. You're welcome. Goodbye.

E: You don't have to go anymore to this unsafe place.
You are big girl.
You can find another unsafe place.

Marshmallow padded room

E mixes up a date but almost makes fireworks happen.
K deems the dress rehearsal a success.

We hijack, I mean host, someone into the portal.
Portal magically transforms into convertible.
Roof is replaced by the sky.

E: The moon is moofing.
N: I think that is what cows do.
E: No, please, thank you. It is the moon.

Russian accent is contagious.
We scream "Please. Thank you. No problem".
We cannot help but be helpful.
Is this help to the second power?

E: I'm caught between... peanut butter and cotton candy.
K: That sounds luffly...
E: No, between cotton candy and a marshmallow.
K: ...and soft.

Play ball

E: You know, denial is not just a river in Egypt.
K: Yes, it is also a small stream in the Ukraine.
E: Actually, it's the whole ocean!

Let me go

K: I like to make an entrance.
E: I like to make an exit.

We discuss:
Making an exit

Bipolar exit

Stop making sense exit

Kick me out exit

Let me go exit

Bean there

E: How are you?
K: I'm good. No, I'm evil!

K: I'm sorry about my anger.
E: No problem.
I have plenty of my own anger.
I buy it in bulk.

E: You be effil.
It's no problem.

K: It was always two realities.
E: No, it was no reality.
Ever.

K: I'm halfway to delusional.
OMG! I failed at being delusional, too.
E: Yeah, the delusional swirl.
K: Could be an ice cream flavor.

K: I don't need tools.
I need musical instruments.

K: We overdosed on the program!
Now we need another program to deal with that...

E: Drive with cution.
K: But sit on whoopee caution.

E: That relationship is a can of expired beans.
K: Now I can let it go!
Should I open them first?

Call me

I can't believe what happened! (call me!)
I am so disappointed in you. (don't call me judgmental)
You ruined everything. (call me helpful)
Not that it's any of my business. (please call me)
But I am outraged. (call me passive aggressive)
Not that I really care. (call me, maybe I'll answer)
But you could have called me. (ME! call ME! WAAAH!)
I would have been glad to help you. (call me codependent)
I've done enough helping, I don't need to do anymore. (call me bitter)
I hope this never happens again. (and it won't if you call me!)
Now let's move on. (cause I've got a call!)

E: Please join me in the mud.
It's dirty, it's wet, it's cold.
How can you say no?
K: Goody-goody!

I hate you in a special way.
No, really.

Hookers, Knockers and Sausages

We discuss:
Translating 'passive-aggressive' into 'aggressive-not-so-passive, is it'?

K: Anything can be done.
With slaves.
E: With a lot of money.
K: With slaves with a lot of money

K: With algorithms!
But first we eat...

Russian invasion
(please read in Russian accent)
Why? Why?! WHY?! WHY?!!
NO! (bark)

Please. Thank you. No! (bark)

K: We just met but let me tell you my life story.
E: We'll be best friends for never.

K: Those knockers were in 3D.
E: In your nightmares they were in 4D.
K: They were hitting on me and slapping me in the face.

E: I love you in a very special way = I love me.
K: me + me = we.
E: The m's play together and make a w.
That's sex.
But sex doesn't exist.
Let's not talk about it.

E: We be crazy to the second power.
K: Which means...
E: We not crazy.
K: Ah, we special.
In a special way.
To the second power.

K: Ah, baby lamp.
E: You vant one? It's priceless.
K: No, it's $7.49 a pound.

E: The car is ready.
There's worms in the backseat,
and a hooker in the front sitting in dog pee.

K: This was hooker with baby stroller.
And me in the baby stroller.
I be worm for the hooker.
She was a wholesome hooker.
A whole wheat hooker. 

K: I highly recommend it.
E: I highly don't.

E: We didn't have blinders; we had lampshades over whole head.
Please, put a lampshade around your privates, too!

K: She no cookie.
She no M&M.
E: She hooker.

E: We be hookers!
K: This is our card.
E: You see the hook?!

K: Knockers can be hookers.
E: Let's talk about sex.
But don't talk about it.
Just shut up and eat your sex!

E: Finish story! I can't stand the anticipation!
K: What if I put sauce on it?
E: Marinara. I like Marinara.
K: Mmm. How 'bout cream?

K: Look at all I wear around my neck.
I have my fox stole...
E: And sausages.
K: No, no. Sausages be in the fox's mouth.
And then, of course there is the noose around my neck, too.
E: Yes. Grab life by the noose. Very important.
K: Priceless.
E: No, 7.49 a pound!

K: You need cookies.
Look how small your knockers are!
They're starving!!
They're going to become hookers if you don't feed them!

Oops! I hooked your sausage by accident!

Step 1:
It's your fault.

Tradition 1:
(?)

Concept 1:
Have fun!

In closing I would like to say ppfffrrrrrttttt... Give me what I like and take the rest. The things you heard were spoken in whispers and should be known by all the neighbors by at least tomorrow. Keep them within the confines of your knockers and between your legs.

A few special words to those of you who haven't caught on yet: Whatever your problems, keep them to yourself. I've heard enough about them. You've got problems? I've got problems! If you try to keep your legs open and your hooks ready, you will find help. You will come to realize that there is no STD that doesn't have medication and no mind that can't me messed with.

We aren't sane. The welcome we give you may not show the hate we have in our hearts for you. After a while, you'll discover that though you may not sleep with all of us you'll love us in a very special way, the same way we already love ourselves.

Hit on each other (call me! what do you think the phone list is for?), keep trying to figure things out but let there be no escape. Instead, let the drone and repetition of the program drive you crazy one day at a time.

K: OMG I've got a dead horse!
No wonder I couldn't let it go!
If I let it go it will fall on my head!
I'm propping up a dead horse...
"Yeah, just let it go, Kat."
Well, I've let it go and I've still got a dead carcass next to me!

Thanks people for helping me out!
"You go, Kat!
Just keep riding that dead horse!
You're doing great!
You keep riding that dead pony!
Keep coming back!"

Maybe it's a rocking horse..
I'm going to bring my rocking horse to the meeting!
E: You should ride it to the meeting!

E: The meeting: It's a rubber omelette.
K: If you put it that way, I might not keeping back!
What about my dead horse?
E: It's a rubber omelette wrapped around a dead horse.

WAAAH!

E: It's a fact of denial.

E: Please give me free gas. 

My mother didn't love me.

I can't pay for it. WAAAH WAAH!

We want to discover: 

Fairy Translator

Can translate what passive aggressive friends say

into what they really mean.

We discuss:
Complete love

K: I don't just love you and let you get bored.

I keep it interesting.
E: Luffly.

We discover:
Hooks
and Hookers!

Around the world (and we never even left the parking lot!)

Thank you, please, thank you.
We discover:
Improv Therapy 

K: It could be anything you wanted it to be.
E: I wish it could be something good to eat.

K's Backroll Dance:
You want me to do what? Is there a buffet?
Sure.
I'll think about it.
Maybe.
Nope.

E's Chik-Chak Dance:
Sure.
No way!

E gives props to purple onions:
K: So, they never let you down.
E: No, they always let me down.
K: But they let you down easy?
E: Over easy.
K: So it grounds the sandwich.
E: oh, it buries it. Underground.

Southern Withdrawal Part 2 (drumsticks)
PRWASA (Please Read with a Southern Accent)

We discover:
Melba Toast

K: Honeychild, I finally found the way to let it go:
I let it go.
Then I take it back.
And then you rip it out of my hands.

Chorus (with callback):
Can I get 'yeah'!
Yeah!
Can I get 'I'll think about it'!
I'll think about it!
Can I get a 'maybe'!
Maybe.
Can I get a 'no way'!
No way!

We discover:
Anti-motivation

1.I know you can do it, yes you can!
2. Well, I'm not so sure.
3. It probably won't work out.
4. Eh, why bother.
5. Yeah! Motivation!

K: I've got roadblocks in my mind.
E: I thought you had roadkill?
K: That too.

K: When something bothers me,
I want to chase it down,
run it over,
and then wear around around my neck
like a nice stole.
Mm-mm-m.

We discover:
Amasink and Jummy Russian lady

We take it to the next level:
Melba talks to Russian lady
E: I need my space.
K: Then let's just put some drumsticks between us.

E: It's been luffly.
It's been amasink.
Thank you, please, thank you.

Southern withdrawal

E: I'm 100% sure that it's true. Is it?

We are not afraid of leaving and losing what we have.
We are afraid of going through withdrawal.
So we will make it southern withdrawal.

Is this a cult?
Close enough!

K: I got it!
E: Keep it.
K The meeting is the airport!
E: So where are the planes?!
K: They're in the back...
Don't you want to go to the gift shop first?
E: No!!
K: It's duty free. Are you sure?
E: Yes! Where are the planes?!

We discuss:
Exit strategies:

K: I make a promise that if I go to anymore meetings,
I only share as one of the characters.
K's Ultimate goal:
Drive everyone crazy (except E)
and get kicked out.

Questions:
Why am I not feeling the love or the serenity?
Why am I working for free? Again!
Why does this feel so familiar?
How do I keep ending up here? Again!

We discuss:
"Buffet love"

It looks like food but proves otherwise.
It looks good but doesn't taste good.
It tastes good at the beginning but halfway through turns on you.
Emotional equivalent of funnel cake
or rich double double chocolate cheesecake with chocolate sauce.
E: You deserve gourmet love.
K: I know. But why do I want buffet love?
(violins)

We discuss:
"Special love"

K: Why does it need to be "special"?
Is it special like special Ed?
Is it like Mormon love, spread around like butter?
I'm starting to feel less special...
They fattened me up with their special love
and now they are starving me.
E: "We love you in a very special way...
K: ...the same way we will eat you."

We officially declare bankruptcy as a way to start over.
K also decides to file for divorce from her bankrupt self.
Divorce ceremony is discussed:
Happy divorcee will arrive in a hearse drawn carriage.
Twinkies will be served for every course.
Cheese doodles (crunchy and puffed) will also be served.
Glasses of lemon juice to wash it all down.

OMK! They are all faking their serenity!
Working the program means
somebody else thinks I'm working the program
and that the program works
and that's how the program works.
You got that?

E: There's something inherently wrong
about connecting through dysfunction. 

E: Here's my platform,
here's my exit -
it's been fake.

Is this a cult?

K: I have a swiss army knife of tools.
I can open cans with the steps.
E: I can open bears.

Princess Esther the Most of Everything:
God made lines of balance for everything
but he made them invisible.

Supreme Lord Kat took the day off when creating parking lots.

Shirleys have deep discussion on the merits of playing in the sandbox.
Remains unresolved but less mysterious.
And no, it was NOT helpful.

K: OMK!
I was brainwashed
and now I'm getting brainwashed 
to remove the first brainwash;
where does it end?
E: It's true what they say: the laundry never ends.

Deprogram!

E: You're brainwashed.
And I'm hungry.

Discussion:
Retiring program brainwashing.
We mean lingo.
Who said that?

Discussion:
Escaping the program.
We mean leaving the program.

Discussion:
We've been let out of jail and we don't know where to go.
Jail is still inviting us over.
Come in through the side door!
No bodychecks required!

K: I'm not judgmental...
E: You're the judge!

Let's improve the program!
SHARE RATINGS
Holding up scorecards from 1 to 10
3 Categories:
Drama
Quality
Authenticity

Let's improve the program!
HANDS ON FEEDBACK
Walk over to sharer and express yourself.
On them.
With your hands.

Let's improve the program!
SHARE INTERPRETATION
Standing behind sharer 'enhance' the share with:

Facial Expressions
:^) (YOU CAN'T BE SERIOUS)
:^o (OH, HOW DRAMATIC)
:^/ (DO YOU EVEN BELIEVE WHAT YOU'RE SAYING?)
:^@ (DO I NEED TO KNOW THIS?)
:^~~~ (BORING)
;^( (I'M FALLING ASLEEP)

Gestures:
PLAYING VIOLINS

Signs:
OFF TOPIC
DRAMA
FALLING OFF THE WAGON
IS THIS REALLY TRUE?
BROKEN RECORD

Discussion:
Improving motivation.
K: How 'bout hanging a noose around my neck?
My motivation is roadkill.
How 'bout I wear it around my neck like a fox stole?

Unmeeting

We discover:
Shirley-I-can-make-this-work
a.k.a.
Shirley-I can-get something-out-of-this
a.k.a
Shirley-there's-a-silver-lining-here

K sits on her head.
E suggests we kick her out of the car.
We do.
With glee.

K suspects Shirley to be previously discovered disloyal cheerleader.
Both are looking seriously disheveled and unkempt.

We discover:
Shirley-I'm/you're/we're-a-failure
a.k.a.
Shirley-this-will-fail/not-work
a.k.a.
Shirley-this-is-not-worth-it

We call back the first Shirley
and we let them both go at it.

Notes on the Shirleys:
They are truth tellers.
They are disguises.
They cover up other people. And plants. You know who you are.

Snorts!

Dangerous hugs:
the my-hands-are-full-hug
the trap-neuter-release-hug
a.k.a.
the double-squeeze-hug
(includes heavy breathing and sound effects)

Get with the program:
Hi, I'm Jean.
Hi Jean.

Hi, I'm Strung.
Hi Strung.

Hi, I'm Falutin.
Hi Falutin.

Hi, I'm Maintenance.
Hi Maintenance.

Hi, I'm Fidelity.
Hi Fidelity.

Hi, I'm Flyer.
Hi Flyer.

Hi, I'm Class.
Hi Class.

Hi, I'm Jack.
Hi Jack.

Hi, I'm Per.
Hi Per.

Hi, I'm Beam.
Hi Beam.

Yes, you can say hello, too:
H'llo Jean
H'llo Strung
H'llo Maintenance
H'llo Fidelity
H'llo Class

Hi, I'm I-don't-know-who-the-hell-I am.

Plans for a character meeting.
Let's make a  Box-o-Props!

Plans for a character fantasy shopping spree.

Don't forget the 3C's:
I can choke it, I can cheat it, I can crush it

Monday madness

E: Great idea. You should do that. No, don't.

K: Yes!?
E:  Yes!!! Maybe.

Are you yappy?

You know what's wrong with me? You.

Theme: Electrolysis
Verbal electrolysis 
Electric light

K: I don't know what you see.
E: I see a hairy angel.

K: I can't even violate myself; I can't stand it!
E: Well, that's why you're sitting.

Holy holes in our shirts

Plan: T-shirt business (and more!)

Bankruptcy: 
E: I inherited a bankrupt business! My self is in debt!
K: Let it die! Let it go! Start over! (did I really say that?)

OMK (Oh my Kat)
That worked out. Phew. Thank Kat.

Plan: Making magic our business
Creating characters, pictures, stories for others

'Happy Unmother's Day' card/ 'Thank you for helping me fail!' card:
Thank you for bankrupting me.
Thank you for failing me.
Thank you for helping me lower my expectations and my standards.
I couldn't have cared less without you.


 

Let me shove you off the wagon

E: Honestly, Kat, we're the creepy ones.

E: No names - we practice generic evil.

K:There's the steps.
E: $19.99
K:There's the gold steps.
E: $29.99
K: And then there's platinum steps. You can't afford them.

Salanon:
We knead those steps into you.

You fell off the wagon.
Steps lead to the wagon: why didn't anyone tell me?!

E: Of course, she's a plant.

K: Confusion to the second power:
I don't know
but I should know.

E: Confusion to the third power:
I don't know
but I should know
but I can't know.

E: Magic = Priceless = Important

E: There's black beers in my backyard.
K: Budweiser or Heineken?

Who are you working for, anyway?

We discover:
K's Cheerleader

K: Hey! She's been cheerleading for others instead of me!

We discover we have a staff!
E: Mangament! Security!
K: They are not me; they work for me!
E: And they suck! Fire them!
K: No, let's me talk to them first.
(K might have problem letting anyone go...tbc)

K talks to cheerleader.
Cheerleader alleges she been beaten up by others so as to not cheerlead K.
Looks disheveled and confused.

E demands a royal staff.
K suggest naming them after typos

Costume ideas:
Velcro suit - everything sticks
Throwing vegetables costume

Breakthrough

E: We need to go through the portal.
K: That's too vaginal, I need something phallic; how 'bout a pole?
E: Down the rabbit hole.
K: Or a slide.

E: I got it! A breakthrough!

We will do anything to feel alive!
We are equal opportunity organ eaters.
K: Can I get a business card for that?

This medicine has sound effects.

Why is there no Emotional Service Station?
And what would that look like?

I am so immersed in the program I'm practically drowning in it.
Stop working the steps and give them a vacation!
I respect the steps; I don't step on them.
I'm climbing up the 12 step pedestal.

K: My negative feelings are wild animals; I'm a wild animal handler!
E: They are stray feelings!
K: Mine have testicles!
E: Mine have portals!
K: So my feelings aren't domesticated!
E: In that case, 'let go and let god' really means spay, neuter, release!
K: If they're stray, then why am I taking care of them? Can I run them over?
E: Sure!
K: Oh! And my positive feelings are not mating.
E: Yeah, 'cause they're malnourished, they're stunted! And there's too few of them!
K: They're trying to mate with the wild ones! And they're getting eaten by them!

OH!! (double finger point)
(peals of laughter)

The Real Steps

THE REAL STEPS:

Step One:
It's your fault.

Step Two:
Nobody appreciates me.

Step Three:
Hand it over!

Step Four:  
I know everything.
I am perfect.

Step Five:
You are not.
Check me out.

Step Six:
You owe me.

Step Seven:
Follow my orders.
Leave me alone.

Step Eight:
Admit you're wrong.

Step Nine:
Beg for forgiveness.

Step Ten:
Think about me.

Step Eleven:
Give up hope.

Step Twelve:
Serve me forever.

Step Thirteen: Go back to Step One.

E: I LOVE the steps!
K: The steps have changed my life.
E: Oh, the concepts...
K: I put them on my cereal
E: I want to be buried under the steps!
(repeat ad infinitum)
I'm doing GREAT!
My life has improved 200%!
E: I'm a bundle of energy!
K: A mass of energy!!
E: A tumor of energy!!!

Try harder.
You're not working the steps right.
Why? 'Cause you're a loser. And stupid.
I'm just trying to help you.
Did you skip a step?
You need to fall down the steps.
You need to go back to step 1.
Let me help you by shoving you down the steps.
Back to step 1!
Look! First step: 'It's your fault'.
No more doubt; this gives you solid ground to stand on.
Now lie down so I can run you over.

I've got tools!
Let me nail the steps to your head.
Let me screw that step into your head better.
Let me hammer that positive thought to your head.

You need to use the tools
and weapons of the program.

OMG! I got to the top of the steps and there's nothing there!
There's a door and I can't open it!
Why do I have to take the steps?
Isn't there an escalator. 
I got an escalator but it only goes down!
I have to keep climbing up the wrong side!

Bipolar Meeting:
I'm so grateful to be here.
Everybody get the hell out!!! Die already! I'll kill you!
I love people.
I'm just trying to help you.
My life sucks; what are you going to do about that?  
Hand over the serenity.
I can't help you, I'm too busy nailing myself to the cross.
I mean the steps.

You need to die - or I'll kill you.
I love people. I live to help others.
You're so selfish. What have you done for me lately?

Lie down so I can run you over.
Do you appreciate what I haven't done to you?
I could have killed you.

Higher power only wants to sleep with me
Higher Power, I know you want me.
Stop texting me all the time.
Why do you have so many friends on facebook?
Stop dreaming about me.
You never call me.
Why are you invisible? Is it 'cause you're ugly?
God, where are you?!
OMG You're hiding behind the steps!
God, I'll trust you when you give me more stuff.
Leave me alone, I was taking a nap on the steps.
Doesn't that hurt?

We discover:
Earnest
(K wakes up following morning laughing and
and her first thought is to punch Earnest in the head.)

Superpowers

We discover:
We are royal and divine!

We discover:
Her Royal Highness Princess Esther
aka
HRH Princess Esther
(May she live forever!) 
aka
HRH Princess Esther the Best

We discover:
Supreme Lord Kat the Great
aka
Supreme Lord Kat the Greater
aka
Supreme Lord Kat the Greatest

Fairy Tales do come true!

We discover:
Fairy Tale Therapy

And fairies!

And our magical powers!

!!!

Happy! New Year 2015

E: There's good intention, evil intention and fun intention; which one was it?

E: Perhaps you can both chop each other up.

K: You can't have heaven without torture.